Barium and Bananas

This morning I went for my imaging test dealies. I don't know how the ultrasound went, but I'm hoping it was all right. All I really know is that it really hurt to have the lady pushing so hard with the wand on my sides and right at the bottom of my ribs. So, basically, everywhere.

The chest x-ray looked normal according to the doctor there, and the upper GI with "follow through" went well. Kind of.

That barium crap is EN A ESS TEE WHY. I couldn't help from burping up some of the pop rocks (which you're not supposed to do) but kept most every one of them down after the initial one that crept up on me. I chugged my first cup of heavy barium. I got my pictures taken.

I made jokes while they laid the table back. "Wow, this is almost as good as a ride at the fair!" Then I got to roll around on that skinny little table to "coat" my stomach. All that looked good, then I got to drink another "smoothie" while lying on my tummy. That pose, I called the Playboy Tease. One leg bent and to the side, rocked onto the opposite hip... yeah, I bet SOMEONE would pay money to see a large woman wearing two hospital gowns (one to cover my butt) in that pose! Anyway, that was to get a look at my esophogus. Fun, fun!

THEN I got to drink two more cups full of barium. The tech told me they would taste like a banana smoothie. I took a first gulp and went, "Bananas my ass! UGH!" The other tech pointed out, if they DID taste like bananas, it would ruin bananas forever. Point taken.

Anyway, from the point of drinking those two cups and having a picture taken, I was informed they would be checking me every 15 minutes for the first hour while they waited for the gunk to work its way to my ascending colon (that's the first part of the large intestine on the right side of the body for those who don't know). She tells me that it typically takes anywhere between 30 minutes to two hours for this to happen. I inform her I hope it only takes that long, because sometimes it takes me a day or two to pass the corn, if you catch my drift. She tells me of a woman who spent almost 8 hours and then decided to leave because it was taking too long!

So, freaked out that this is goig to take forever, I have her give me the book I need to read for class, and I lie on my right side (which apparently helps dump stomach contents into your small itestine) and wait. 15 minutes go by, and she takes my x-ray, and lo and behold, the barium garbage is already in my transverse colon (that's the large intestine that goes from right to left just befor turning at the liver). Fastest "follow through" she's EVER seen. Yay.

And now... we wait.